Are you one of those people who enjoy driving down the road, radio blasting, singing along with the radio/spotify/itunes, etc? I definitely am. Music has always been a cathartic force in my life, and although I was classically trained as a flautist up through my college years, it’s always rock and roll and popular music that I return to when in need of a therapeutic musical road trip. Sometimes, a song comes along and fixes itself in my mind – it might be really well-written, beautifully performed lyrics with soothing melody, it might be ear blasting heavy metal, and sometimes, it just is what it is that gets the job done. Of late, this song by The Record Company has fixed itself in my brain:
I got this life to fix Threw it all out in a ditch Broken down when I was sick Gotta build it back up brick by brick I got this life to fix Threw it all out in a ditch Broken down when I was sick Gotta build it back up brick by brick
Whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa
I left my home today I didn't have that much to say This time alone is all I got Singing my song in the parking lot Every day I wake this way Some the days I just can't take Get that money, get that break You ain't gonna win if you ain't gonna play
Whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa
I like the way I feel I'm all night, close that deal I'm all alone, it's all I know Singing along with the radio Dream about you every day I can't go back, you've gone away Knock me down but that's okay We all look back on yesterday
It’s not Shakespeare, it’s not Homer, it’s not even Stephen King, but this song embodies the last year or so of my life. I find that I count my life from birthday to birthday, rather than from January 1 to January 1, and my birthday is July 5th. Since July 5, 2018, I’ve been through a lot of changes, most of which I instigated, and some of which were thrust upon me. All of these changes have been painful but needed. I am grateful that I am able to look back and say that. I am grateful to be able to stand where I am and know that the decisions I have made have been right for me.
I know I am being rather vague at the moment about exactly what my changes have been, and in time, I will reveal more, but I will say for now that much of what I have had to do has involved leaving behind that which no longer served, no matter how much I may have wanted to hold on. I relate to the above song’s lyrics because I did actually leave my spiritual home due to my own evolving spiritual beliefs and needs, and wanted to see how I functioned without a safety net. (I left my home today/I didn't have that much to say/This time alone is all I got).
In the course of making those changes (threw it all out in a ditch/broken down when I was sick), I found myself becoming ill with sicknesses I didn’t think I would ever experience. I had both whooping cough and shingles, two illnesses that can be associated with childhood. Whooping cough is something that was all obliterated in the United States until recently, and is usually found in young children. Shingles is the result of having had chicken pox as a child, and the chicken pox virus becoming active in the body again. A friend observed that perhaps this was my spirit guide’s way of asking me if these changes were what I really, really wanted. I think it was more a way of realizing I had a lot of issues to re-visit, and being ill and being alone, as unpleasant as it was, gave me time to review, reconsider, re-evaluate what it was I was really after.
It’s been five days since my birthday, and I have been reflecting on all the things I want to do in the coming year as I head towards the next birthday (gotta build it back up brick by brick). Last year was all about reflecting, and now, actually – this year needs to be about action. I am poised now to train, to learn, to begin new projects, new things, to take a new flight into a new realm. In this year of action, I want to help others on similar journeys to find their own unique path. I’m ready…..You ain’t gonna win if you ain’t gonna play.
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